There are traffic jams… and then there are traffic jams that end with someone squatting on your hood like it’s a public toilet.
Let’s talk about Christina Solometo, a 44-year-old OnlyFans model from Ridley Park, PA, who just dropped a new kind of “exclusive content” — not behind a paywall, but right on the hood of someone’s car. That’s right, gents. We’re talking about a full-on revenge dump in broad daylight. On. A. Car. 💩
The Setup: Green Light, Brown Code
The chaos went down in late April, when Solometo found herself stuck behind a driver who was allegedly taking their sweet time moving at a green light. We’ve all been there — maybe a honk, a flash of the brights, a creative finger gesture. But Christina? She went full savage.
After what she described as being “mocked” by the other driver, Solometo decided to show her disapproval not with words or fists, but with a bowel movement. Yes, a literal “movement.”
With the finesse of a seasoned OnlyFans creator (her username is reportedly “ShyThead”, because of course it is), she allegedly popped out of her ride, yanked down her drawers, and let loose on the unsuspecting vehicle’s hood like it was a porcelain throne from hell.
The Quote That Broke the Internet
In what is now one of the most legendary follow-up quotes in criminal history, Solometo told police:
“I wanted to punch her in the face, but I pooped on her car instead and went home. It was a clean poop. I didn’t even have to wipe.”
Let’s pause here to acknowledge the sheer confidence it takes to not only poop on someone’s car, but to brag that it was a “clean one.” That’s elite-level bowel control. That’s someone who probably drinks nothing but kombucha and eats fiber bars for breakfast. Respect.
Caught Brown-Handed
The whole thing was caught on video by a teenage witness, who is now undoubtedly the most popular kid in his school for filming the most unhinged traffic incident of the decade.
Police weren’t as impressed. Solometo was slapped with charges including indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, harassment, and “depositing waste on a highway.” That’s a real charge, folks. Apparently, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania doesn’t have a sense of humor.
The victim didn’t press charges, probably out of fear that Solometo might come back and upper-deck her toilet next.
Was This a Publicity Stunt?
Some internet sleuths (and probably half of Reddit) are wondering if this was all a planned publicity stunt to boost her OnlyFans traffic. After all, “scat” niches do exist, and her account reportedly features foot fetish content. Maybe she was just testing the waters before launching the next tier: 💩 Premium Plus.
But according to Solometo, she just had to go. She told cops she had stomach issues. Which… raises an important question: If you do have to poop in public, is a car hood the worst option? We say no. It’s elevated, flat, and probably already covered in bird crap. Honestly, it might be the Rolls-Royce of impromptu toilets.
The Moral of the Story
Don’t drive like a jerk. Don’t mess with a woman named Christina in Delaware County. And most of all, don’t ever assume someone won’t weaponize their colon when provoked.
Because the next time you cut someone off at a red light, you might not just get the bird — you might get the turd.
🎥 Watch the Viral Video
For those brave enough to witness the incident, here’s the video that captured it all:
